A Cougars Muse

All Hallows

2011-10-31T15:27:00.002-04:00

The scent of falling leaves

In brilliant colors

Wood on the fire

Gives way to the fog

Where ghosts dwell

Candy Apples ready for bobbing

Frost on the pumpkins

And jack-o-lanterns light the path

With an orange glow

The laughter of children

Costumed going door to door

Witches and Goblins

Wizards slaying dragons

There is magick in the air

Old magick...in stone circles

Long ago we danced in circles

Holding hands

Remembering those

Who danced before us

Conjuring up the past

Where it all began

Listen closely and you may hear

Their voices in song

Dancing under the moon

On All Hallows ...

So Mote It be.

Still the Dragon Beckons

2011-09-04T03:07:00.003-04:00

I walked by myself down the lost highway

Each step closer is one more step away

It's all flashing lights and monitors

Keeping track of time

Time well spent

Time wasted

Times we were alone in a room

In the middle of a hundred people

It's a funny concept

Time waits for no one

Not for you or for me

But it's a journey chosen

Just to be set free

Freedom from choice

Refuge from pain

Do you ever get tired of waiting?

Well before you know it

Time comes back for you

Like waves crashing against the cliffs

And with a roar

Still the dragon beckons.

Michael L Farquer

Like a Slipstream of Sorrow

2011-09-01T23:59:00.020-04:00

What a beautiful

And peaceful place

In the midst

Of so much sadness

As the world goes on

So many memories

Fade into a grey veil

Like a slipstream of sorrow

In a sea of endless stars

Where the water falls

Cleansing the souls

Of the ones we hold so dearly

Of the ones we did not know

Nameless faces on a wall

Empty stares as the people walked by

All connected....

Looking for the familair faces

That would never come

And the ones we will never forget.

The day the World changed for all of us.

~ and ~

Scott A Lundy

Timeless Memories

2011-08-06T04:40:00.004-04:00

Sometimes

I look at your picture

And I reach for the phone

Then my memories flood back in

An I know your no longer there

Reality Check

Leaves me silent

Sometimes I just stare

Sometimes I shed a tear

Sometimes I am angry

But in the end, I'm just alone

Looking back at all the shadows

Passing memories

Fleeting moments in time

Not everything was perfect

There were good moments

And there were the rough times

I chose to stay away

And I live with that guilt every day

About the things we could have shared

Those moments will never come again

So at times it seems like a dream

Sometimes I wake up crying
And I am desperately alone

And sometimes I am driven

To find that feeling again

In this small circle of companions

My entourage till the end.

© August 6, 2011 NINTH WAVE PROJECTS

Even For A Moment

2011-07-31T23:37:00.017-04:00

Standing at a crossroads

Looking back...

Looking foreword...

Wondering...

I keep on wandering

Just searching where I belong

I'm keeping one eye the past

And another on what may be

All I have to do

To survive the sunset

Is to survive the daylight

And all those chains I've broken

I Keep pulled tight

I've reconciled with...

Moments I've let go of'

And memories I've kept hidden

Sometimes I look back and see myself

Maybe that was the path I should have taken

Another regret...

Another experience lost

Lingering forever...

Like a ghost dancing around the fire

There comes a time that going back

Is just another illusion

So you simply linger from time to time

With your eyes lowered...

So everybody else cant see into your soul

And how its faded....

Till the next crossroads

Where the cycle begins again

Eyes down...

You may find a piece of your past

In the search of where you want to be

Something that makes you better

Along the way...

Even for a moment

When the Light Fades

2011-06-29T00:03:00.004-04:00

And in the mirror the light fades

Leaves you silhouetted in silence

Reach out and try to touch the sun

Without getting your fingers singed

It's like that fine line you walk

Perhaps its just my imagination

Or maybe its a dream

Just three steps ahead of the nightmare

And that's all that really matters

When your light fades

And your face fades

Then your lost to them

And they win the game

Sometimes in the reflection of the mirror

You catch a glimpse out of the corner of your eye

You turn to look but only for a moment

Has a familiar sparkle

A familiar face looks back

And it whispers......

Where are you, where have you been?

Ive not seen you in so long...

Many times I thought

I'd never see you again

My friend...reflection of a dream

And still when the light fades

And your face fades into total darkness

To the dark side of the moon

You will always remain.

Still Small Voice

2011-05-26T17:03:00.003-04:00

Look around you

The winds with colors

Pulling you upward

To see the face of God

So just let go

Take that step in mid air

Just take Gods hand

Strong and protective

Close your eyes for the moment

And take that step

You wont fall

He will cradle you

With infinite wisdom

Trust never fails

And with all the love

That holds the universe together

One tiny spark

Thats what we are

In a sky among billions

And yet he knows each of us

By our own individual light

Our light comes from within

Piercing the black ink sky

He knows our still small voice

When mountains tremble

Beneath his feet

And his voice surrounds you

Like the walls of a great castle

Protection all around you

In the presence of God

Just have faith

And reach out with no fear

Call out to him

With your still small voice

And he will answer you

Phoenix Rising

2011-05-17T21:39:00.003-04:00

And so the Phoenix has risen

It's like nothings changed

After all these years

Seems so easy

Just to be with you

Like it was yesterday

Yet now we are older

Were just a little bit wiser

Than we used to be

As we come back around

This rare second adventure

Don't know where it's going

I'm not sure I really want to know

Rather let it play out

Moment to moment

And see where this road takes us

These many years I've stood alone

Wouldn't let myself feel

It was always safer that way

And yet, time marches on

One of the children of the Universe

Has changed

Passed a mortals challenge

And is ready for the next phase

Of life.

Tempest Fury

2011-04-26T16:47:00.002-04:00

And the storm raged

He stood transfixed

Looking out over the water

Waves crashing

Electric sky in its tempest

Filling the senses

Swirling emotions

Raw and untamed

Was the beast

In all its fury

He was no match

For what was to come

It would be a test

Of his very soul

So he reached out

And grasped the winds

Called out into the darkness

And held on to the night

As it all unwound around him

The wind lifted on high

The spirits of the brave

And he consumed the power

Rose up against the night

And with all that was in him

He turned the storm away.

Tower In The Sky

2011-04-08T19:38:00.005-04:00

Once upon a time

Long long ago

In a world

Quite different than this

He looked over the walls

Walked down the halls

Of the castle so fair

Big stone walls

To keep some out

And keep some in

A prisoner in disguise

He could walk among them

The people of the city

And no one was the wiser

Searching for something

He could never find

A life unchosen

Calls to him

Beckons him

Reminds him of the past

A reflection in the mirror

As he looks among the children

Playing innocent games

So he wonders

From dawn to sunset

If he made a mistake

To take the path he's on

No one knows but him

How empty he feels inside

While he sits in his tower

Watching the people come and go

The children so enchanted

And the old ones

That do not come anymore

Have taken the journey

Into the mist across the sea

And he wonders

When his time will come

And will anybody notice

That he no longer watches

From the tower in the sky

To The Edge of the Line

2011-03-21T05:37:00.003-04:00

I've held myself together

All day long

My mind wanders

To places it shouldn't go

Filled with what ifs

And had I only known

Well they don't much matter

Anymore these days

Old bones left to rattle

Dark spirits when the wind blows

But the souls have long gone

Leaving empty spaces

Like memories

That slip through your hands

Like so many grains of sand

Just like the sky

Full of stars

Falling across the heavens

Calling out

Waiting for the children

To come home

Some days are just too hard

And the nights

Full of images

Like a ghostly play

That keeps calling to you

Then vanishes

Like a ghost in the fog

Always out of reach

Beckons to you each night

Deeper into the darkness

To the edge of the line

I've stood at that edge

So many times...

Yet something keeps me here

I feel a hand on my shoulder

When I dare myself

To take that one last step

But tonight once more

I resisted the fog

Turned my back on the ghost

And retreated to the safety zone

But there's always tomorrow....

A War Too Long Fought

2011-03-07T19:11:00.004-05:00

Not gentle is the atmosphere

Nor silent in its lost brilliance

That which will be devastating

To so many more than you ever knew

That you would be so full of potential

But so lost in the hurricane

Walking the fire at the edges of the earth

Treading the Waters

Of the sea beneath your feet

Lifted by the Spirit in the Air

But the darkness follows you

Each time you return

Your a little bit less like you

And I know your tired from it all

And so many times you've started over

Many that have passed that way

Eventually they are forgotten

But not by all of them...

I haven't decided

If being your friend

Cost too much or gave too little

Like all self inflicted soldiers

They go the way they want to

And sometimes we stand in honor

And sometimes we walk away

And some sit contemplating the past

The adventures we shared..were crazy

Some of the best times even in the middle of the night

We became 'brothers of the wave'

But I never managed to teach you

That the leaves of the tree could fall one at a time

in a graceful dance....

Rather then be ripped off in violence

For you there was always the edge of the storm

Better to burn out...as it is to fade away..

One last time ... lets fly like the wind

Ride that wave...

And chase away the ghosts

And then ... I must turn away

Never to look back

And get back to my own journey.

So i just walked a trillion tears tonight

Teardrops of crystal

Shattered into a million pieces

Ill keep one wrapped and hidden

Every place I go

No matter where I end up in this world or the next

theres always angles and demons

But theres only one that mattered

And when truth be told

when our eyes next met

Please know

That regardless of how things turned

I still have your back...as long as you need me to

But there is only so far

That I can go.

2011-02-24T04:42:00.003-05:00

My life has been shadowed

For as long as I can recall

Filled with conflicts

And misunderstandings

I've walked many a fine line

Because I knew the cost

Of defiance or too many questions

Time passed

And I got older

And learned how to work around it

Sometimes you just have to do things

Draw a line in the sand

And man up and take a stand

And so I did...

I'd had enough

Tired of being bullied

Made to feel small

So there came a time

That I just couldn't take any more

And in a fury of anger

That had been hidden

All those years

Came out in a moment'

That neither of us would forget

Things changed that night

They were never the same

And that isn't always a bad thing

Its just a cosmic wake up call

And I took back the power

That had been held over my head

For all those years

Regardless of the circumstances

The truth and the consequences

There was no going back

I had revealed the power within

And I never had to use it

Ever again after that night

I revealed just enough to turn the tables

Take a stand...and everybody knew it

And then there came the day

Some months later

That I would embark on my first journey

Drive west into the sunset

And see the world through my own eyes

Ever faithful I kept writing

Momentary insights into my world

Imagination fueled by riding the Ninth Wave

Reaching places I had never dared enter

I walked a fine line

Looked over the edge

Traveled the roads at night

Till I almost reached a point of no return

Every journey has its perils

Some just come razor sharp

A double edged sword

And I still have the battle scars to prove it

Even if you cant see them

They are there

And as always the Universe felt it was time

To make my way back home

After nearly 2 decades

And going back was hell

I didn't feel like home

I didn't feel like me

And the old conflicts returned

That had been there since I was five

It was a rocky restart...finding who I was

Where I belonged

And coming to the realization

That everything came down to one person

Someone who offered love with a catch

Instead of how it should be

And I could no longer allow

This person to come between me

And the people I needed in my life

Ive asked myself this question

Over and over

What right does a person have

To control, manipulate, and set the rules

For anybody else but them

I missed out on a normal life

Wasn't told I had a baby sister

Had to listen to reasons

Why my real family wasn't around

Even though they were 10 miles from me

All that time...

And I wanted to believe...

That the things I had been told

Were true...because

If they weren't then there was but one answer

That I had been fooled by lies and fear

And all the pieces of the puzzle

Fell into place

This person who raised all of us

Was often the devil in disguise

Playing the same game with everybody

So I broke the chain

I went to see my real family...

For once I felt like I belonged

And I had made up my mind

That I had one chance

To become part of my family

That had been forbidden

By the devil in disguise

And when I returned home

I made up my mind to make the effort

To contact my father, and the rest

It was bittersweet.... and somewhat ironic

I had 8 months... to work out issues

And have the same questions answered

Because after all the years wasted

And making the effort to get to know him

He wasn't father of the year I told him

And we laughed at it because

What else was there to do...

So in March close to my birthday

I drove him to the hospital

And he never left.

He was in my world when I was born

And I was with him when he left it.

And I am so glad that I made that effort

All those months before

There are no regrets, I did what I needed

I accomplished something in a few short months

That most people take for granted

And one by one, the Loving Granddad,

And then My Grandmother slipped away from me

All those years wasted

And all because of someone

Who thought her word was law

And rulers always end up alone

I've struggled with my feelings

And my emotions , hard to hide

Swing between love and hate...

And there were times I have to stay away

Sometimes as long as a year

While I struggled with the aftermath

Of all these things that didn't have to be

But its a pointless issue now

And I'm still not sure about my feelings

She finally left this world

At 93...

The last time I saw her

She grabbed my hand, as I stood alongside the bed

I learned a lot in those fleeting moments

I learned its okay to love the person

And hate the things they have done

And its still a struggle for me

I have good days and bad days

And days in between...

And I try to keep it to myself

Because I'm not sure

If anybody else understands

Why I will be alone now

Till the day I leave this place

Where I will continue my Cosmic Voyage

Somewhere among the stars

Watching From A Distance

2011-02-18T18:33:00.004-05:00

The first time I saw you

Wasn't through the looking glass

At the hospital nursery

And it wasn't safe at home

All snuggled in your Mothers arms

You were 7 going on 20

Ready to take on the world

Stubborn just like your Mom

Hands on your hips

Always an opinion on no matter what

And not afraid to say what was on your mind

And I knew right away

We were in for a wild ride

Ready or not

And I wouldn't have changed a moment

Of this strange journey

That threw us all together

I watched you grow

From a distance...

Thought the phases of your life

I've laughed, and I've cried

And at times you tested my patience

To the limits of my distraction

And I would do it all over again

In a heartbeat

And now here you are

On the edge of being all grown up

Ready to spread your wings

And to test the waters

And still I remain here

Watching from a distance

Knowing you will stumble

That you will have many successes

And that sometimes

You will trip and fall

Just like the rest of us

But keep in mind, I am never far away

Ill pick you up and dust you off

And I'll laugh when I tell the story

I'll commend you...

When you learn another lesson

If it takes three times

To get it right

Or you need someone to talk to

In the middle of the night

So if you ever need me

Know I'm never far away

And that I will always love you

Each and every day.

For Stephanie

The Ghost of a Different Me

2011-02-03T08:45:00.001-05:00

I stand here

Looking down

Memories Pass

Like a carousel ride

Round and round

So many things

Have come and gone

All those things

I didn't get to do

That other path

That I didn't choose

A wife and a home

Or a family to carry on

Now its too little

Too late

To change this path

I've been walking down

So I have to find a way

To let go of

Things that could have been

If I had taken that other path

The reflection in the mirror

Of what could have been

Instead of choosing

The ghost of a different me

© NINTH WAVE PROJECTS ~ 2/03/2011

Stardust and Moonbeams

2011-01-23T18:49:00.004-05:00

What am I

Just bits and pieces...

Of Stardust

Held together by chance

Or divine intervention

Moonbeams and crazy dreams

Body and Spirit

Doing that ancient dance

Full circle

Till the end of the journey

An end and a beginning

All connected

All as one

All that is me

So I dance the dance

With great expectations

Even through the dark hours

And casting shadows

From the blue white light

Where the soul resides

One foot in light

One foot in darkness

One sits in silent reflection

That we call life

Through the Stardust and Moonbeams

As the journey begins

All over again...

Circle Walk

2011-01-04T02:08:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it feels

Like I'm going in circles

No matter how far you walk

You always end up

Right back at the beginning

Till one day...that beginning

Becomes an ending

And all it leaves are choices

To start all over

Or to just let go

Well I've grown weary

Of all this traveling

And there has to be

Something more
Something that has more meaning
That will set free what I've guarded
Oh so well...

And I've found a place

That I could stay forever

A safe haven

And the things a safe haven can offer

But the love given here

doesn't fill the spaces
And I cannot return
Something that I just dont feel

So I keep looking

And every day I remain here

Is a day I want to leave

Every moment I remain here

I feel a little less

And I remain a prisoner

Just like all the rest

So again I walk the circle

Like a thousand times before

And maybe in the future

I'll understand what for...

To Repair The Soul

2010-12-22T19:48:00.003-05:00

I walk in silence

With my arms

Reaching out to the stars

Wondering how

To cope with the outcome

Sometimes my fists

Pointed to the Sky's in defiance

And sometimes wrapped around

To try and comfort me

A touch that often made me feel better

But those arms are gone now

And they took a part of me

Thought the veil

From what was, to what is

And I find myself wondering

What's next in my life

Will there ever be someone

To fill the shadow

That you left in my heart

Or maybe this is a sign

Of whats to come

Till one by one the roses

Have been picked from the bush

To this I have no answer

Even after the passing

And a year gone since

Not a day goes by

That I don't think of

Picking up the phone

And then I pause

Ands lay the phone down

I stand there for a moment

To brush away the tears

That I've grown accustomed to

I wish I knew

That you were at rest

And in a better place than here

Maybe just knowing

I could heal this broken heart

And repair this broken soul.

December 21st ,2010 on the Winter Solstice

A Solstice Eclipse….

2010-12-20T15:28:00.001-05:00

8 Days

2010-12-13T17:34:00.003-05:00

8 days

If I had known

That would be

The end of you

Would I have stayed

A little longer

Not let a day go by

Without talking to you

Maybe held your hand

So you wouldn't be alone

Those are questions

That will go unanswered

And I will always wonder

Where you are

Now that your gone from us

Is there darkness

Or eternal light

Or simply nothing

On the other side

Just one more question

We will all face someday

When its our time

To cross over.

World Aids Day 2010

2010-12-01T00:35:00.009-05:00

GONE HOME

It's all over for you now

The curtain has fallen

And the stage has cleared

All that remains is a ghost

Rattling around in a memory

There is for you

No more fear

No more tragedy

No more pain

And the fire

That raged in your eyes

Has been forever extinguished

You have gone home

To rest in peace

From an unkind world

Be at peace my friend

And rest in the wings

Of the Angels.

( For my friend Sean )

TERRA NOVA

Somewhere in my mind

I already knew it was over

Just a feeling in the dark

Reaching into my dreams

And haunting me in the shadows

And I looked to the past

When all of this began

It was truly innocent

Not a care in the world

But that was a fleeting moment

And it all came crashing down

When the darkness came

It shook the foundations

It was the beginning of the end

And this time

It hit too close to home

It would not get better

It would be just the beginning

I had lost yet another friend

Somewhat numb

I sat alone staring out the window

With the news

Only a couple of hours ago

When the voice on the phone

Said ... Terry's gone

My heart sank...

I stood silent...

What do you say after that

Somehow sorry isn't enough

And there were just no words

Maybe they would come later

Or perhaps

Simply not at all.

( For my friend Terry )

Over the years I have lost many friends. Each one special, each one mattered. My friends Terry and Sean were the two that hit me the hardest. Terry was a friend from school, we hung out, went out partying. We were roommates for several years out in California. He was the first person I knew that had AIDS. It didn't make me treat him any different, it didn't change the way our friendship worked. The hardest part, was when he was admitted to the hospital, it was touch and go, and it was me that had to make that fateful call to his Mom. It was absolutely the hardest conversation I have ever had. They did not know he was sick, he had kept that his secret for many years. Although he would recover, he would have many touch and go moments in his life. Each one took a little bit more from him. In 1995 he moved to Texas. I took him to the train station, gave him my turquoise necklace he had always admired, hugged him, watched him board the train. It would be the last time I ever saw him.

Sean lived in San Diego, we met at Jack in the Box close to my apartment. He said I had that "I just moved here and don't know where I am" look. We hit it off right away as friends. He seemed in perfect health to me, and a month later he told me that he had AIDS. In three short months , I watched him decline rapidly. I have never seen anything like this. He had fevers of 107 degrees, he was so sick he couldn't hold his head up. He got so bad that I had the ambulance take him to the hospital, called his Mother and told her where he was going and in 3 days he was gone. I think I was just in shock really. I flew back to Ohio a couple days later, I just had to go back home and re-group.

About 2 weeks after I got back to Ohio, my friend Terry was just constantly on my mind. So I called his Mother... the phone rang for days till a week later his Mom answered the phone. Terry had died in Texas and they had just gotten home from the service. So I wrote the poem 'Terra Nova". A poet has many words... but none of them can express exactly how I felt, but it was my only way to say what I needed to say even if nobody ever read it.

So I decided, on this World AIDS Day 2010...that I would share what I wrote. I'm sure that this story has been repeated many times over... different faces...different places. It isn't about what a person does, as much as it is who the person is... and everyone deserves respect, dignity and love.

Forever Dancing in the Fog

2010-11-19T11:25:00.003-05:00

I've had this feeling

That things are changing

It's like a chill

That comes over you

Telling you to get it together

Stop wasting time

But it really doesn't matter

Because today is all

That anybody has

A day, and hour, or a moment

Looking back

Not all those days were kind

So looking forward

I can see fleeting glimpses

Of that ghost

Walking into the fog

Daring me to follow

And sometimes I follow

Just to get lost in the mist

Till something pulls me back

Still each time I follow

I get just a little bit closer

And a bit farther away

From this place I exist in

And I know that someday

I will become that ghost

The one that beckons

The one I have chased

For longer than I can remember

And I will remain there

Forever dancing in the fog

Star Crossed Lovers

2010-10-30T06:19:00.006-04:00

Star crossed lovers

Crazy it seems

These paths should cross

As the stars aligned

The moon was full

That was the night

That I knew I loved you

There was this intensity

It was overwhelming

Like a great wave

That rises and falls

To crash against the rocks

You can even feel the ground

As it rocks a little

But we were caught up

In the moment

By the intensity

And I touched you

To feel the connection

With my eyes closed

I could see colors

When we came together as one

Just like it should be

And for a time

The magic remained

Untouched by mortal man

But all the glitters

Can be bought and sold

As time becomes your enemy

You see the cracks in the wall

And feel the foundation crumble

But still your eyes are closed

And you are reaching...

But the stars in the sky

Fell like tears in a silvery rain

Flooded the mountains
Washed away the connection...

And they stood at the crossroads

And chose another path

Went their separate ways

And the blue calm sea

Became a raging Storm

The lightning flashed

Angry in his eyes

The thunder like a scream

Echoed down the hallways

When love and hate
Was broken into a line

That nobody wanted to cross over

So it was the end of an era

And all that remained
Was time....

They say that time heals all wounds

But some were too deep

And some too painful

No spoken words would tell

All the secrets between them

But time moved on

And the storm became

A blue calm sea

The water washed away

The lines drawn in the sand

And forgiveness and healing

Brought their paths together

Once torn apart

An unexpected twist of fate

And a new beginning

Was the thing they both needed

To overcome the ghosts

And the demons

Cast them out
Into the holy waters

And not look back

Only forward

For star crossed lovers

And for old friends

As they come full circle

And begin again...

Sanctuary

2010-10-25T19:39:00.003-04:00

Some call it Sanctuary

And some say refuge

It's like waking up

To a hurricane

Safe behind the walls

Until you realize

It's all just an illusion

As the walls

That kept the world out

Begin to crumble around you

So you retreat higher

Up into the towers

That you have let surround you

And created your world in

So high up in the tower

Where the winds

They lift you up

And they surround you

With colors

A cosmic blue cloak

That blurs your visions

To the illusion of safety

As stone by stone

The towers that you live in

Begin to fall apart

Yet the voices sing to you

A hypnotic lullaby

An so you choose to listen

To those voices

Instead of seeing whats around you

As the towers begin to fall

There is no escape

There is nothing to hold on to

And you find yourself falling

Surrounded by the wind

As the towers are no more

And your visions

They have tricked you

All these many years

And what remains

Are just images of the past

What Passage of Time

2010-10-16T02:38:00.004-04:00

I can hear the clock tick

I can look at the calendar

But I really didn't need to be reminded

Today would have been your birthday

94 years would have been a milestone

But now all I have to look at

Are photographs of birthdays past'

I can see a sense of urgency in your eyes

Like you knew the hourglass

Was getting low one grain at a time

And you were so frail and fading

I knew that would be our last celebration

It's all in your eyes in the photo

A haunted expression

A realization that it was time to let go

And then it came to pass on 12/21

On the Winter Solstice, a cold December day

You passed through the veil at 12:21 pm

You left us...

And for once everybody in that room

For just a moment, for their own reasons

All came together in a circle with quiet tears

To tell you goodbye for the last time.

I saw nothing as you lay there

Slowly breathing in silence,,

When it was finally over

There was only silence and the slow tone

From the machine that said no life.

An I knew, an era had just passed before us

And we all had our reasons

Why we loved you

And reasons why sometimes we couldn't

So with Gods patience and love

I hope you understand like we do

And I hope your reunited

With the ones you have missed

For oh so many years.

And if its in my fate

To be graced by Gods Wisdom

You look for that little 5 year old boy

The one you wanted so badly

And it will be me...

Running into you and Papaws' lap.

Until then...just watch down from the heavens

And smile ...

© ~Ninth Wave Projects Written 10/15/2010

Mortals Aren’t Allowed To Fly

2010-09-30T16:55:00.010-04:00

And the Angel said

To the fool

On the edge of a cliff

Mortals aren't allowed to fly So if you jump All you will do is fall

So the fool

Looking perplexed

Just stood there

Swaying in the wind

So the Angel said
If you take my hand I'll let you fall gently There will be no pain

Oh but the fool

Did not believe

And so he leaned into the wind

And fell.....

Like a million times before

Free falling

Eyes Closed

Not knowing when it would come

And then it was over

In an instant

And when he looked up

The angel reached out

And gently picked up the fool

Rested him on his wings

Spread wide and majestic

And in the last moments

Before the light

When there was no going back

He finally knew

Mortals aren't allowed to fly

Never Did Believe

2010-09-28T07:06:00.004-04:00

Empty Spaces

And dreams left to die

You can't do it over

So you have to live with it

Or just maybe

It's live without it

Endless questions

Never answered

A dark space never filled

Recollections and recriminations

Are all that's left to ponder

Leads you to wander

Looking back at the mistakes

Looking forward

All you see

And all you feel

Is the emptiness

That you're walking the path

Always alone

With brief moments in time

Shared and then forgotten

And a realization

That your faith is shaken

And that you don't believe in anything

And that you never really did believe

In love after all.

Behind The Walls ( Ghosts )

2010-09-24T08:25:00.004-04:00

Behind closed doors

Behind the walls

Images of a ghost

I've had days like this

Sometimes it seems weeks

There are times that

It feels like forever

A room can be a prison

Even if it's filled

With everything you've ever wanted

So this empty room

Filled wall to wall with ghosts

The ghosts of yesterday

Regretably set aside

And the ghosts of tomorrow

Just waiting to be free

So what are you looking for

What are you running away from

Seems it's always something

That keeps you prisoner

Maybe if you look into the mirror

You will see the truth

As hard as that may be

It's the only thing

That might set your free.

Never Forget ( 9/11/01 )

2010-09-10T22:05:00.009-04:00

We were all transfixed

We were unable to move

We saw it all unfold

What the enemy had to prove

All this history

All this cost

A senseless tragedy

So much was lost

For the moment the world froze

We were all just hypnotized

We all know how the story goes

Right in front of our very eyes

So many years we've been protected

And watched the terror on TV

Now it's in our own back yard

A test of freedom all the world could see

We were shaken to the core

We were torn in two that day

And our faith was truly tested

As we dropped on knee to pray

There is no going back now

Forever etched into our mind

The questions, who, why, and how

Is something we will have to find

So on this day we will remember

The ones we lost that fateful day

On that morning in September

That will never go away.

We Were Forever Changed ( September 11, 2001 )

2010-09-07T08:37:00.007-04:00

( Written Five Years Ago )

A day that started out much like today, much like tomorrow, and then the world changed. I remember being at work and being in some sort of disbelief of what was happening. We were numb, the world was numb, and it would never be the same. We went home, we watched, we waited and we prayed. Suddenly the land of the free, was a lot smaller. As the day passed, more tragedy unfolded, more tears and more fear. Were not used to feeling fear like that. I sat, looking outside my window and caught a small plane in the reflection of the big black tower... it was just a reflection... yet it seemed to be going right into the building, I jumped off the couch and hit the floor. I was there crouched for moments, that seemed like hours shaking at the fear and shock that had just gone through my whole body. I can still feel that all these years later. We are changed... Even today, all these years later it brings tears to my eyes when I think about the great losses that we as a nation, as a people, as humans....suffered that day, and how we are still dealing with it today. God help us, Pray for us and forgive us for moments of discretion. I have never gotten over that day, and I hope in some ways I never do. It will keep us safer to have one eye looking around the corner, but it will never be the same when we go to sleep at night.

( Written Sept 07, 2010 )

Memories come back to speak in dreams,

Haunt us in the deepest corners of our minds

America, the World was changed that day

I was changed as well

Something shook the very core of who we were

Our sense of safety

Our sense of freedom

All of those challenged on 9/11

So much hatred

Vile and poisonous

So many lives

Innocent and unaware

We watched them jump

We watched them fall

In horror in the safety of our homes

We were in shock

We were forever changed

The faces of people

That most of us didn't know

Etched forever in our memories

The day the Towers fell

The day the Pentagon was attacked

And the day the hero's of Flight 93

Chose to take control of their fate

And saved hundreds more

Of those Innocent Lives...

And to give up their own with honor

We were forever changed

Our eyes were opened

As we fell upon our knees

And cried with the world...

Sobering Facts :

World Trade Center 1 & 2 - 2406
Word Trade Center 1 & 2 - 200 Jumped
American Flight 11 - 87
United 175 - 60
The Pentagon - 125
American 77 - 59
United 93 - 40

Emergency Workers - 411
NYFD Firemen - 341
NYFD Paramedics - 2
NYPD Officers - 23
Port Authority - 37
Private Duty EMS Workers - 8

Let Us Never Forget
Those 2,997

The Middle of the Mirror ( Broken Glass )

2010-08-28T20:17:00.003-04:00

You can see me

Smiling in the mirror

Walking among the strangers

But you don't know

What I'm feeling

Behind these blue eyes

Sometimes you see

Just what your looking for

Sometimes you see

Exactly what I want you to see

And I may never tell you

Not even in secret

Who's looking back at you

At any given moment

I wont give you ammunition

To use again against me

Even after all these years

We could be in the room together

And I'm a million miles away

Just don't take it personally

Because its not personal you see

Its just a part of

That great wall around me

Built up to keep out the strangers

And to keep out the dangers

And deflect my true feelings

To let you know how I really feel

So I write a lot of poems

Pieces of my history

About everybody in my life

Some past , some present

And some that might be

Interchangeable words

For a made up world

A masterpiece of rhyme

Without a painters brush

Some say its oh so pretty

Buts its simply broken glass

They say to me

I know just how you feel

But nobodies been there

In the places that I've been

In the middle of the mirror

With broken dreams and glass

So if you ever feel connected

And if you ever think you see

A reflection in that mirror...

And if you think that for a moment

That it was really me...

I've got a hundred other pieces

That you can read for free.

Wheel of Time

2010-08-26T05:06:00.002-04:00

The wheel of time...

Moves on, never stops

Sometimes you just hold on

It can be a wild ride

Not knowing where it's going

Or when it will stop

What if you let go

Even for a moment

Where will you end up

Crazy wheel...

Friends come and go

Passing one another

But for me theyre always there

In my thoughts

In my memories

Played out like a song

With some of the verses missing

And I can always write more lines

Change the ending

But that would be a lie

And why mess up

The perfect ending

And there will

Always, be and end

They have asked me

Many times

If you know the outcome

If you know it wont last forever

Why do you take part

In the cosmic dance?

And I say...

It's because the journey

Is what makes it

Worth the cost

One step at a time

One breath you breathe

One moment in passing

Makes it all come full circle

And that, is worth the dance.

A Moment in the Storm

2010-08-05T05:47:00.003-04:00

I stood outside

As the wind howled

With the sound of a thousand wings

Twisting through the trees

Bending them at will

As the willow became alive

Thrashing in the fury

As the water crashed

Against the banks

Lightning flashed across an angry sky

Like spears sent from the Heavens

By Zeuse himself

And I was caught up In the Intensity

One wave, two waves, three waves ...nine

Each stronger than the one before it

Played out like my life

Spinning out of sequence

And all the worlds

Were stages...

Ive danced across so many

Maybe I wasn't keeping score

As one blurred into the next

Maybe I never really cared

As long as the storm raged

In full force intensity

It kept the chaos

Pushed right to the edge

And kept me distracted

Even if just for a moment

And when the storm was over

I looked around to see

What was left standing

And each time it was the same

It was only me.

Cat and Mouse

2010-07-20T11:21:00.002-04:00

Quietly he walked

With his hands

To his side

His eyes were sad

He never looked up

Timid and meek

Unlike anybody

That I’d ever met before

And probably never will again

I didn’t know exactly

How to deal with him

But I was intrigued

With his silence

After so many storms

Perhaps his quiet ways

Would be good for me

Might make a difference

In my world full of intensity

He would stand at my door

With wine and crystal glasses

He would say

Another taste of my wine?

And pour us both a glass

It was quite different from

That beer and wiskey crowd

That were always around

We would sit for hours

Listening to music

Telling stories

And I began to see

Where the quietness came from

Deep inside

In the shadows

A place of confusion

A place I thought

He should escape from

And so the Mouse was born

In the presence of the Cougar

Or sometimes “Ferocious Cougar”

He would look at me and give me

A somewhat crooked grin

It was completely different

It was a nice change

But it wasn't meant to be

At least back then

My world was still spinning

And he couldn't keep up

And I couldn't slow down

And then one day

He just disappeared

Vanished into the shadows

As quiet as a mouse

That was four years ago

And still not a trace

Not a day goes by

That something I hear or see

Doesn’t make me wonder

Just where the little mouse

Scampered off to

I just hope hes happy

And that one day

our paths will cross again.

For Andrew

Inspiration

2010-06-20T06:02:00.011-04:00

Inspiration is like a wave from the sea...

Sometimes it just washes over you...

And you have no choice but to listen...

Eye of the Hurricane (Remember Me)

2010-06-19T18:04:00.006-04:00

What will you do

After I'm gone

Will you think back

To the nights we lived

In the Eye of that Hurricane

And the quiet times

That nobody would believe

Will you shed a tear

Remember my fears

That I confided in safety

And the good times

That we laughed and cried

Every time...we tried

To go back inside the storm

The one I've managed to go back to

And had to leave you behind

The way it had to be

The way it always was

So will you think of me

Now and then

In times of silence

A time to pray

And a time for you

To live another day

And someday when

Your times is done

I'll be there

Waiting just for you

In the eye of the hurricane

In the calm..

Of the sea

And we will start another journey

In the Grace of Gods true light

With no shadows

And no darkness

We will finally get it right.

( June 19- 2010 )

This is dedicated to everyone who has fought their own personal battles and won, be it physical, spiritual, or emotional. There is light after darkness, and there is the calm after the storm.

Old Souls

2010-06-13T20:46:00.002-04:00

Old Souls

Maybe we've seen too much

Walked too many miles

And lived too many lifetimes

Makes us jaded in our wisdom

And crazy for our solitude

The wheels keep turning

The stars keep shining

And we feel the passage of time

There is so much more to it

Millenniums are but brief moments

In a long cosmic saga

That is far from the beginning

And far from an ending

( Written June 13th 2010 )

Back Through the Mirror

2010-05-31T17:54:00.002-04:00

If I could walk

Right through that mirror

I'd do it

To find my way back

To where we went wrong

Where we ended

Sometimes it feels so close

Close as a touch

And sometimes

So far away

Like there's no going back

I guess it's just my perception

Between looking back

And looking forward

And trying to find myself

Somewhere in the middle

The danger is

When your walking a fine line

Not to get caught up

In the chaos

And the intensity

Like a moth to a flame

So remember

Even the faintest light

Shines through the darkness

All you have to do

Is get close enough

To feel that warmth

And not singe your wings

Let the light

Be your guide

Away from the darkness

And don't look back

And things will come full circle

Just as they are meant to be

( May 31st 2010)

Glitter in the Sky

2010-05-14T01:13:00.003-04:00

All the stars

Shine around him

Glitter in the sky

Like fireflies

On a hot summers night

He stares at the moon

And contemplates the Universe

With the eyes of a child

And a soul quite ancient

Searching for answers

To age old questions

Asked a million times before

Way back when the stars were born

He held them in his hand

Yes.. he feels ancient

And yes, sometimes betrayed

Content to follow the path

That lay before him

Knowing the journey

Will be the stuff of legends

He embraces it

All written down

In his book of secrets

Still searching

For that next soul mate

One of many this lifetime

A gift or burden

Only he can say

And so goes the ancient warrior

Embraced by the stars

And the glitter

Loved by the moon

And surrounded by the magic

In his little book of secrets.

Written May 14th 2010

Circle upon Circle

2010-05-04T00:28:00.003-04:00

A circle upon a circle

Never ending journey

Just put one foot

In front of the other

And don't look back

All that looking back

Has ever given you

Just broken dreams

And revelations

But you just cant

Get away from them

Backward glances

Looking for shadows

And the only shadow

That you can find

Is the one you cast

Upon yourself

So you have always been

A prisoner of fate

A seeker of destiny

And what are you going to do about it now

Where are you going this time

You've been released

From all of your promises

Went out the window

One winter day

Just floated out of the window

And into the light

No more darkness

There was no sound

Only silent falling tears

In a room full of people

That you have never felt
Connected to

Always a step out of time

And there was no more time now

Just an ending

Of a new beginning

Circle upon circle

Just how it's always been

Written May 3rd 2010 The Ninth Wave

The Stars in the Sky

2010-03-06T19:38:00.002-05:00

And time marches on
The world continues to turn
The ground beneath our feet
And the stars in the sky
Never ending...
Winter bows to Spring
New life, the Earth awakens
With refreshed beauty
The cycle begins again
As it always does,
As it always will...Whether we are here
To bear witness
Or above to watch over
Those of us to follow
And that makes it easier
I will remember you
When the soft wind
Blows in my window
On a hot summer night
Or in the rain
As it washes away the sadness
That I feel sometimes...

(March 06, 2010)

On the Outside Looking In

2010-02-18T10:13:00.003-05:00

Everybody changed places
Nobody asked me
Standing there always
On the outside looking in
Walking in shadows
Footsteps I could never fill
Moments I could never feel
Always in the middle
Caught between two wars
Trying not to fall victim
To the propaganda
And live two lives
Wonder where my path goes
As I stand at the point of no return
One choice, one way
On the outside looking in
A child changes to a man
Grown older with time
Now I realize the cost of it all
A price paid in blood
Tears shed in silence
I see what could have been
What should have been
Staring into the mirrors reflection
So many miles gone past
Memories that have faded
Scattered by the wind
All these things
That I missed out on
And the things
Now to late to do, too late to feel
Just bits of paper
Without any meaning
To anybody except to me
On the outside looking in.

( February 18, 2010 )

Poetry in Motion

2010-02-07T23:08:00.003-05:00

Change is inevitable, inescapable at best. It marches on regardless if we watch from the safety of our homes, or if we were the center of our own universe. Needless to say there has been a lot of changes in my life over the last few months. There are good days and not-so-good days, all part of the bigger picture of dealing with a loss in ones life. Some of those losses are greater than others. Some take you by surprise and others you were expecting, even if you were not expecting them so soon. I have always allowed the things I write to be my main source of dealing with things. But sometimes you get to a point where you have to sit and center yourself, and allow things to sink in. To grieve for the things that will never come back, and to adjust to the changes that loss will create for the rest of your life. You say to yourself, I will get through this and I will be stronger for it. You must look at your life, and decide how to shuffle the things that are still going on in it. And then, you must set aside some time to just let yourself "exhale". Time to tell yourself that for every loss, there can and will be a balancing out of the rest of things in your universe. That may actually end up being the hardest part. Instead of pulling down the blinds and retreating from world, you must allow yourself to celebrate change. Allow the flow of the energy that is to come be like poetry in motion. There need not be a hurricane to allow yourself to be cleansed with the water. You can just as easily allow yourself to walk along the edge taking each step at a time until you have allowed the water to softly cleanse you, one wave at a time.

Chaos Revisited

2010-01-23T21:37:00.003-05:00

These waves
Emotion crashing over me
Sometimes takes me
Right to the edge
I feel an emptiness
That I cant seem to fill
They all say, you'll be alright
But time doesn't always
Heal a Broken heart
Sometimes I'm angry
Other times sad
But I try to keep it
From showing on my face
Or reflecting in my eyes
Windows to the soul
Well I don't want to
Let anybody into that space
My own little world
Of chaotic creation
If I tear down the walls
I'll have no place to hide
The darkness will get in
Or maybe get out
So I let the waves
Crash over me
With all its fury on the rocks
With each wave
It takes one more piece
Letting go of the chaos
That I can't seem to be rid of
It has been there all my life
The monster in Pandora's box
Waiting to escape.

( January 23, 2010 )

Guardian Angel

2010-01-21T17:34:00.002-05:00

In the darkness
In the still of the night
I feel the empty spaces
I feel that you are gone
Sometimes it's to difficult to bear
Sometimes it's all I can think about
And when the darkness is all I know
And when I feel myself overwhelmed
I feel the soft touch of peace
I feel the wings of an angel
And I know that you are watching me
And I know that you will always be there
The Angel of Grief will comfort me
The Angel of Grief will be my strength
When the darkness is all I can see
When the darkness is all that I can feel
I sit in silence and close my eyes
I sit in silence and I can still feel you close
And in my memories you will live forever
And in my memories I find comfort
Guardian Angel, take my hand and guide me
Guardian Angel, never distant, never far
No more darkness
No more sadness
Only love and understanding
Only love and your memory

( January 21, 2010 )

"Today is one month to the day that Alice died"

An Old Celtic Saying

2010-01-20T21:02:00.005-05:00

♫ Dance as if no one's watching...

Sing as if no one's listening...

And live everyday...

As if it were your last. ♫

( January 20, 2010 )

Empty Spaces

2010-01-03T19:06:00.002-05:00

The minutes turn to hours
Hours into days
And I find myself
Sittin here missing you
How I'd love to hear your laughter
And your voice one more time
To be able to hug you hello and goodbye
Hear you tell me, like always
To come back real soon
And now all that is gone
For the first time in my life
Your not standing there
In my corner
Where I could always count on you
To listen and not to judge
To love me unconditionally
Like no one else has ever done
And now I feel so empty
There's this huge void
A piece of my heart is missing
Even though I know
You are watching over me now
It doesn't take away the sadness
Or the empty spaces
And no one could ever replace you
In my heart, broken or not
So I reserve the right
To fall apart now and then
When I think of you
Or when I hear your favorite song
I will always love you
And I will....
Never forget you
And when it's my time
To make that last journey
I look forward to seeing you
Standing by the gate
With your arms wide open
And a smile on your face
And the empty spaces
Wont be empty anymore.

( January 3, 2010 )

Letting Go

2009-12-28T01:34:00.004-05:00

Somewhere in the middle of a dream
I knew that you would leave us
It was growing close at hand
I sat there with you one day
And you looked at me
You said you would never go home
I smiled and changed the subject
And tried to hide my feelings
But that was the day
That the whirlwind began
Started pulling at you
Calling you to a different place
And as it all came to a close
It was not unexpected
And I realized that
I've never known a time or place
Without you in my corner
No matter where in the world I was
I could always count on you
And you loved me without condition
Even through the difficult times
And it was a valiant struggle
Because I know you wouldn't go
And leave us here without you
And if you could
You would have stayed forever
But with a whisper that day
You slipped away from us
There was no sound
But in my mind
I saw you walk through the door
Into the brilliant light
Into the loving arms
Of the ones waiting
On the other side
We sat there quietly
We said our goodbyes
And when the end came
We walked away
So in that I've found comfort
Knowing your finally at peace
And surrounded
By the ones who left before you
I can let you go
Knowing you will be a guardian
Watching over me
Till we meet again

( Dedicated to my Grandmother Alice Irene Farquer )

( 12/28/09 )

Alice Irene Farquer

2009-12-24T20:27:00.007-05:00

Alice Irene Farquer, 93, of Wilmington, died Monday (Dec. 21, 2009) at Kettering Medical Center. She was preceded in death by her husband, Jack R. Farquer, who died Feb. 20, 1972.
She was born Oct. 15, 1916, in Miamisburg Ohio, daughter of the late Lewis and Nora Gregory Ridinger.

She was a member of the American Legion Post 49 Auxiliary and Eagles Aerie 1224 Ladies Auxiliary.

She is survived by four children, Jack Jr. (Kay) Farquer of Clarksville, Barbara (Wayne) Mitchell of New Vienna, Vern (Pamela) Farquer of New Vienna and Michael Loy Farquer of Centerville; eight grandchildren, Schoen Champion of Wilmington, Kelly (Jeff) Gambill of Clarksville, Tim Sliney of North Carolina, Jack Sliney of Florida, Vernon Farquer Jr. of Oklahoma, Russell Farquer of Oklahoma, Tina Farquer of Enon and Lynn McKenzie of Florida; and 12 great-grandchildren

In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by two sons, William Lewis Champion and Laurin Champion; four daughters, Ula Mae Hunter, June Scheerer, Mona Jeanne Jones and Frankie (Champion) Barness; a sister, Ruby May Wilson; and four brothers, Robert Ridinger, Burnett Ridinger, William Ridinger and Arnold Ridinger.

She leaves behind two furry friends Tom & Jerry Farquer of Wilmington.

Standing at the Edge

2009-12-20T06:09:00.003-05:00

Standing at the edge
Of a great void
Trying to see the other side
Finding only darkness
In between this place
And the next
Somebody said
Alice has already gone
Through the mirror
She's walking in that place
Between two worlds
Trying to find her way
Trying to let go
And leave this world behind
For a better place awaits
And I know this to be true
But it doesn't make it any easier
To stand here and watch her fade
Knowing with each moment
With each step forward
Is one step farther away
From this earthly plane
Closer to the end of a long journey
To what awaits her in the next
Wrapped in the wings of the Angels
Reunited with everyone
Who have gone on before her
In the arms of the ones
Who she has missed to most
In this I find some comfort
And it will make letting go
A little bit easier
For goodbye is just a temporary thing
As we all take that journey
When our time is at an end

(December 20, 2009)

Freedom From the Dragon

2009-12-03T01:00:00.003-05:00

In darkness
I hear you cry out
I feel you reach out
From an old familiar place
But I cannot answer
I've left this long ago
And the road back
Was long and painful
I wish you peace of mind
And solace
From a distance
And I pray for you
To be released
From the prison
The dragon
That enslaves you
And won't set you free
I look into the crystal
I throw the cards
And see faded images
Sometimes I see
Your fate and destiny
And there's nothing
That I can do
To change your path
No charm
No magick words
No wishful thinking
So I keep my distance
For my own sanity
And my own protection
Not from you
As much as from myself
Because I've been there
Right there beside you
And I can't go back
So I just watch
And play a waiting game
Even tho I know the answer
As you yourself do
So I wish you peace
And I wish you strength
And the power to fight the demons
Because that is all I can do

( December 3, 2009 )

Views of Christmas

2009-11-28T21:18:00.002-05:00

Pieces of a Memory

2009-11-24T22:50:00.002-05:00

Coming around again
In ways I never beleived
So long ago
We said our first goodbyes
And I thought at times
I had lost all perspective
Still something
In the back of my mind
Knew it wasn't over
We had to walk away
We had to run
Just to save
What had survived intact
And then
The chain was broken
Snapped in two
Too many ghosts
Too many people
Pulling from each end
No way to escape
No way to avoid
No way but to run
And that was the end
Not pretty
Not painless
Not without blame
Not without regrets
And then out of the darkness
A flicker like a candle
Came our reflection
And silent absolution
And after a while
All that stood between
Was time an distance
And an awareness
Of why we said goodbye
Time can be the devil
And time can be a healer
So here we are
Learning the things
We didnt take time to
No expectations
No looking back
All has been forgiven
And we're finding the good
From pieces of a memory
That we never could forget.

( November 24, 2009 )

Storm Warnings

2009-11-20T18:43:00.004-05:00

What were you thinking
Or perhaps it was me
Reaching out in the darkness
In twilight dream time
It was so surreal
So intense
Like standing at the edge
Of a hurricane
Winds blowing full force
And the endless nights
Of a driving rain
Thunder and lightning
That's what it was always like
Loving you, hating you
Its a fine line to have to cross
I held out as long as I could
But the storm grew too strong
Now all that's left
Are shattered dreams
And memories
So I'm moving on
Picking up the pieces
I wanted you to stay
Even if it meant
Id have lost my mind
So now I keep my distance
And you come around
Every once in a while
You reach out
Tap the web
Trying to get my attention
And I'm transfixed
Waiting on the storm warnings
Watching the waves
As they flow over me
Tempting fate
But I'm safe here
So you won't mind
If I sit and watch from a distance

( November 20, 2009 )

If I Ever Cross Your Mind

2009-11-12T03:36:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I wonder
If I ever still
Cross your mind
As the sun sinks
Into the west
A dusky glow
Oh cause I do
Think about you
Every now and then
Faded memories
Just a bit of dust
Into the wind
Scattered here and there
Yeah I think about you
Brings a smile
To my face
And now and then
Brings tears and questions
Sometimes still the pain
And I wonder
If I'm the only one
When the day is done
Still feeling this way
Walking down this path
They call life
Trying not to look back
Wondering if I'd see
Maybe you looking too
Trying to reach out
To try to find me
Maybe one day
You'll find time
To think about the past
Reach out and wonder
Whatever happened
To you and to me.

( November 12, 2009 )

Some Sort of Deja’Vu

2009-11-08T02:29:00.003-05:00

Photographs of memories
Stashed away in time
Carefully put away
When you're trying to forget
Gathering dust until
We've learned to forgive
Laughing at crazy faces
Putting memories to old places
We used to hang at
All those years ago
Smiles and laughter
I haven't seen in a long time
Makes you warm and fuzzy
With some sort of deja'vu
When you think how
All the cards played out
Sometimes gives you a chill
I see my self in those images
I still see some demons
I can still remember the pain
Behind those eyes
But it's nothing like it used to be
I've thrown those demons
Back where they came from
Some of them i've tamed
The rest hold no power
Over either one of us
We can laugh again
With a freedom
That we hadn't learned
Way back when
Guess things sometimes
Just have a life of their own
They catch you
When you least expect it
Unaware of the road
Till you take the time
To live in the moment
And take those deja'vu moments
With a grain of salt
A little bit of wisdom
And just let them be.

( November 08, 2009 )

When Nobody Listens

2009-10-24T12:49:00.004-04:00

In the darkness
Into the dawn
Nobody hears him
Nobody sees him
The ghost in the fog
Sitting under the moon
Tears raining down
Like diamonds
From the sky
But nobody is there
To catch his tears
Or to quiet the fears
That he gives into
In to the night
But shouldn't there be
Somebody with him
When he cries
Somebody to reach out
And quiet the demons
Take the pain away
Even for just a moment
Some call it his fate
Some say it's his destiny
Some say, its his punishment
For thing's he's long forgotten
Or for things he's not yet seen
Somewhere in the dark of night
And if you stop and listen
Become one with the night
Lean into the wind
You can hear a ghostly silence
Tears carried on the winds
Of a long forgotten prisoner
Sitting in the dark
Existing on the edge
Just waiting out his time

(October 24, 2009)

Sometimes... I sit at my desk till the night has become the daytime... wandering the web, writing, looking back into my own reflection and now and then I become inspired to create something very introspective. My writings always have 'a little bit of me in them' but there usually me looking at a situation, at a relationship, or a person of great influence in my life. It is always safer to distance ones self just a bit from their point of reference, if for nothing else... to hide from your own demons... the ones that exist just for you. So last night I was compelled to sit in front of my demons, confront them, call them by name and to let them out momentarily to do battle. Out of the ashes of that revelation, I wrote what I believe has to be, one of the most revealing , intimate, and truthful pieces ive ever allowed myself to write. And so my friends.... if you've ever wondered what it was like to see deep into ones soul.... without castle walls, or behind veiled illusions, read on. It's a rare moment that I decided to share with you.

Reckless ( On the Edge )

2009-10-23T17:01:00.002-04:00

Always on the edge
Leanin way over
Waitin to fall
Maybe to jump
With you it's crazy
I never know
What to expect
Or which way to run
I can't deal with it
Your reckless soul
I get caught up
In the vortex
Like the wind
Edge of a hurricane
I forget to think
What always happens next
After the hit and run
Because thats the only constant
In your world
And it always leaves me
Shattered on the side of the road
Lost somewhere in the dark
Lookin for the light
And I have to
Start all over
Picking up the pieces
Left by your reckless soul
Till the next time
Its a long way back
One day I know
I'll stop looking up
When I hear your voice
I won't have to fight myself
Between the darkness
And the light
Im not there yet
I still look up
But from a safe distance now
It's gotten so much easier
I like living in the light
Where I need to stay
No more chaos
No more temptation
No more...you
Guess i've come out
Of the darkness after all.

( October 23, 2009 )

Empty Spaces

2009-10-20T22:36:00.004-04:00

And she says
Soul be my sister
As she stands alone
Reflecting in the mirror
There's just a ghostly image
Looking back now
Of what used to be
Shes deflecting glances
Of what nobody knows
A shadow here
And old familiar scent
Earthy and comforting
She knows how to reach out
Into the darkness
Touching souls
Waiting...wanting...longing
Each day passes
Small victories
But losing the war
So she wonders why
Anything else matters
When nothing fills
The empty spaces
She knows hes out there
Just beyond the veil
Lingering on the edge
Memory and heartache
Confusion and frustration
So with gentle sadness
He says to her
Soul be my lover
Soul be my wife
Timeless and ageless
There will come a day
When the veil is lifted
And the touch familiar
Will surround her
No longer alone
They will walk among the stars
And the emptyness
Will be a distant memory.

( October 20, 2009 )

For Gwen at the gate... timeless, soul sister, our connection is ageless, and I will always love you.

No Going Back

2009-10-15T12:39:00.003-04:00

We made our choices
Maybe they were
Already made
There was no going back
At least not for me
Too many off ramps
Already in my life
Now it's just
Straight down the road
Revelations like that
Don't come easy
But they should have
Come forth way before
They were brought into the light
I let myself move forward
Before I checked out the facts
Maybe you had your reasons
Maybe it was your own fear
Well if it was your demon
It got the best of you
Sitting there at that table
Surrounded by all your people
And all it took was a word
And a glance to prove
The truth was spoken
And for me that was it
It was over before it began
And now all these years
That have followed since
You seem to still be
Back in that fantasy
That you tried to create
An all the while
I'm a prisoner
Behind the castle walls
Contemplating my discontent
One breath at a time.

( October 15th 2009 )

Invisible

2009-10-03T16:31:00.002-04:00

U feel smaller and smaller
Like Alice in the looking glass
Caught by the Mad Hatter
Sneakin out the door
Teacup in hand
Oh... its never too late
Silly rabbit
To find out who you are
And where your going
But you have to slow down
Or you might get lost
In the Red Queens Castle
Off with your head!
Cried the Angry Queen
And you run for your life
While the Chessire cat
Grins in the dark corner
And asks you a question
So what would you give
To walk through a room
And be invisible
What would it be worth
To be safe from peering eyes
As they gather together
And say they told you so
While they sip their tea
and give you that stilletto glance
Cuts like a knife
With a dull and jagged blade
Everytime you look up
And you wonder
When this dream will end
And you will wake up
And peer under your bed
To make sure
That your there all alone
No grinning cats
And no mad hatters
No rabbits on the run
Always late and in a hurry
And the angry Queen
Fades from your sight
She's in her tower
With the Jacks in a row
Giving her full attendance
So you sit there in silence
So now your all alone
This is what you asked for
This is what you got
The only question that remains
Is it what you always dreamed of
Or is the silence like a scream
That haunts your soul
Day after day.

(October 3, 2009)

Food For Thought

2009-10-01T03:53:00.005-04:00

Earthquakes...Tsunamis....Cyclones... It has been a terrible couple of days on Planet Earth. Is it Mother Nature, or perhaps possibly Gods wrath? Could it be that is this simply a coincidence? Or is it part of a much bigger event? Is it prophecy realized? Is this the 'End of Days' ? Are our days beginning to quicken as December 21, 2012 approaches? The Galactic Center prediction, Bible codes, Nostradamus, the Oracle of Delphi, are they all part of some sort of doomsday competition. There are far too many possibilities and who knows, maybe nothing at all will happen. Personally, I am studying all of the paths and scenarios. And while I'm skeptical I have for the last few years felt the need to tie up all the connections and finish writing the book I've been working on since I was 17 years old. I have forgiven some of the people that brought chaos into my life, and taken inventory of the parts I played. There are still people and parts of myself that I haven't yet been able to reconcile with. It is a work in progress and I sometimes struggle with the ability to take that first step toward letting go of things I cannot change.

It was much easier in many ways when the table was round, the walls were strong with stone, and the blades were enchanted.

Like Shattered Glass

2009-09-26T01:33:00.003-04:00

Anger flashes brilliant
Explodes in the room
Not so far away
Words get thrown
Daggers in the dark, I looked up
A question on my lips
That never was answered
It was like walking
On shattered glass
Pieces everywhere
Falling down around me
Bouncing off drawing blood
For no good reason at all
Except for guilt
On somebody Else's face
For being caught in the act
Its always that way
When somebody
Steps outside the line
And everybody knows
Because of a stupid blunder
You cant hide from
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
And looking in the mirror
Shows your true face
Better luck next time
Better cover all the mirrors
Or wear dark glasses
To cover up revealing
Your true evil self
To the ones who
Can see through the dark
To the ones that had no part
In your trauma
Until you decided
You didn't want to suffer alone
That will be your undoing
In the end.....

(September 26th 2009)

The Tower (The Moon and Stars)

2009-09-24T01:13:00.005-04:00

So he said to me
Across the great web
Is there anybody
Special in your life
And I said no...
Not for a very long time..
We spoke about the dance
He said sometimes
You have to ask somebody
To dance..
And I made a reference
Left the crystal hiking boot
On the last ones door...
Running out
Before midnights last tolled
And behind the castle wall I would be
As the clock struck midnight
Well dont make the tower so high
Where mere mortals cant reach it
Or do you want a demigod
Or a champion....
I said...I'd be happy with
Somebody who understands
The movements of
The Moon and the Stars
But kept his feet on the ground
No one above me
No one below....
Just an equal...
And so from my darkness
Is there anybody out there?

Inspired by Ravenoh

(September 24, 2009 )

Doing Time on Planet Earth (Crossroads)

2009-09-23T13:22:00.005-04:00

The Days go by
Feels just like
Another wasted hour
Doin time on Planet Earth
Clock ticks on and on
Relentless as the years
Moved on past me
Timeless and empty
Then look in the mirror
Where you see
The lines don't lie
The gray reflection
Of too many crossroads
Too many tears
And another nightfall
On another empty path
Sometimes I wonder
Where the next one goes
Where it will take me
Or will I be forever
Stranded on the crossroads
So as tomorrow comes
And it will come
As it always does ...I wait
Sometimes for torment
Sometimes for destiny
And sometimes for fate

( September 23, 2009 )

Waking the Spider

2009-09-20T19:21:00.004-04:00

Do you ever notice
When Chaos finds you
As it always does
We seem to reconnect
Not one on one
Just across the web
Like a spider knows
When something is
Shaking the web
In dreams it awakens me
Here we go
All over again
Well from a distance
I always get that feeling
That something else
Like karma or fate
Has found you once more
I have to tell you
That looking in
Rather than being caught up
In another of your hurricanes
Like so many times before
Keeps my sea calm and peaceful
You keep testing fate
Far too often
It will catch up with you
One of these days
Waking the Spider
Pulling free from the web
Will get you tangled up
And become your undoing.
And I hope that
Im nowhere to know your fate
And that youll just fade
into the darkness from where you came...

(September 20, 2009)

Celtic Astrological Info : Ash Tree

2009-09-16T02:00:00.002-04:00

February 18 - March 17 Those born under the Celtic tree astrology sign of the Ash are free thinkers. Imaginative, intuitive, and naturally art...istic, you see the world in water-color purity. You have a tendency to moody and withdrawn at times, but that’s only because your inner landscape is in constant motion. You are in touch with your muse, and you are easily inspired by nature. Likewise, you inspire all that you associate with and people seek you out for your enchanting personality. Art, writing (especially poetry), science, and theology (spiritual matters) are areas that strongly interest you. Others may think you are reclusive, but in all honesty, you are simply immersed in your own world of fantastic vision and design. You are in a constant state of self-renewal and you rarely place a value on what others think about you. Ash signs partner well with Willow and Reed signs. Sign: Ash Tree (Nion) Symbol: The Trident or Sea-Horse Ruling Planet: Neptune - Lir Celtic Gods: Lir, Mannan. Sent at 1:49 AM on Wednesday

Is a Frogs Ass Watertight?

2009-09-04T00:05:00.001-04:00

Today I did something that I never imagined that I would do. It wasn't an earth shattering event, but it was definitely a first. Its difficult to have 'first time events' when your 47 years old, and sometimes even harder to recall when the last time you ever had one. My oldest and probably first best friend Marc called while he was in town. He still lives in the town we grew up in, a small village of about 250 people. We don't see each other often, but he is one of those friends that you can see five days ago or five years, and its never difficult to just catch up like it was yesterday. That is a rare quality in friends, especially these days. So, I got a text message he was going to be in town, and I arranged for him to call me after his appointment so I could give him directions. In one of the text messages, he asked me if there were any pet stores near me, and he informed me that he was in the market for a 'small brown frog'. Not your usual request. So, curiosity got the best of me and I asked him, the obvious question. Why do you want a 'small brown frog'? His reply, was somewhat vague, ' to keep my other small brown frog company'. He then preceded to tell me that everybody in his household has their own frog. Numerous people, numerous frogs. I told him, had he requested this a week earlier, that I could have scooped up not one but two small brown frogs after a rainstorm at another buddies house... and they would have been free. He then explained to me, that this was no garden variety frog, but a itty bitty dwarf African frog... and it lived under water. I was always under the impression, that Africa was hot, dry, desert like and the last place one would ever find a tiny underwater frog. Who knew? After several text messages, I was informed that, 'small brown frog #1' was missing. This, would have been a 'hop and seek' mission, except that, this was an underwater frog, who now was most likely dried up and turning to dust. Apparently the goldfish that lived in the tank with the frog had ganged up on it, and it escaped the water for an even darker fate. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or write a eulogy. I texted back, see you in an hour, and I prepared myself for an afternoon of 'small brown frog' shopping. Marc arrived, we chatted, I showed him the ducks in the back yard, and I explained that one never has to look for a duck under a recliner, my pet of choice for the moment. We then went to the pet store, where low and behold, they sold said amphibians. We examined the frog selection and discovered that, there were two sizes of 'small brown frog'. I want you to think, frog... size of a thumbnail. Not a thumb, a thumbnail. The frog was five bucks. He decided to get one 'small brown frog' and one 'larger brown frog', which was identical except that it was the size of half your thumb, and six bucks. He also bought a see through fish that the store clerk guaranteed was 'small brown frog' friendly. I was amazed, I had no idea that there were frog psychologist. The purchases were bagged, and off we went into the hot afternoon, I would be home in five minutes, the frogs, fish and Marc, would take an hour. I feared for the frogs life already. Thank goodness for working air conditioning. I bit farewell and good journey to my friend and his three tiny passengers, and told him to let me know how the trip home went. Now, as for the title of this odd adventure. One of my favorite sayings when somebody asks me an idiotic question, that they should know the answer to anyway, my response has always been "Is a frogs ass watertight". Oddly enough, that is the one thing I failed to ask the frog psychologist, so I'm really not sure one way or another. Oh yeah, Marc, the frogs and the fish all made it to their destination intact. The frogs were happy and the fish was non combative. I think I will call Marc tomorrow and ask him 'What do you call a Chinese frog that can carry a tune' The answer, 'Hop Sing'... I think he should name one of the frogs that, but I will leave it up to him, which one.

Senator Edward Kennedy

2009-08-26T11:29:00.002-04:00

Another link in the great chain.... lost.
One more Kennedy ...
A very powerhouse of a man..
He will be missed
And his ideas...legend
A pause... as a dragon becomes a memory.

Above the Waterline

2009-08-23T04:13:00.004-04:00

All this time
We spend together
Brings up
So many memories
Sometimes I get
All mixed up inside
Making sure today
Is still today
And not yesterday
In some sort of disguise
I keep my head
Above the waterline
Cause I know
How easily I could drown
Going under...
Would be so easy
So I take a step backward
Retreat to a safe place
And just watch
From a distance
Stand up to the resistance...
Take a breath of air and go back under
Replay the past in my head
Even if it seems
So much more a shadow
Than a reality
There are times
I want to just lay back
Close my eyes
And let it all flood back
See how long
I can hold my breath
Till I just let go
Above the waterline

Legacy

2009-08-08T13:51:00.005-04:00

So the rain fell softly
Like a million times before
I could feel your heart beat
As we lay in the chamber
Roaring fire kept us in comfort
But the warmth I felt
Was from your soul as the damp mist would rise
Creeping from the moors
At the foot of the stone steps
Lying in wait for their purpose
The scent of spices wake us
Wine and merriment flowed
Yet victory did not touch you this day
I saw you gaze out the window
In silent longing..for what everyone knew
I could not give you
The dragon lay silent in you this day
You simply drifted away
And I could do nothing
As the fog surrounded you
And took you prisoner
Many times I reached out
But you were truly lost
And my heart shattered
Yet knowing my place
My purpose
My crime
I showed no fear to the others
And silently wept for you in my heart
Praying to awaken you
From this nightmare
To see you had returned to me
But...no more
Would you return
No more would you warm my soul
Or be there to stifle the rage
That burns beneath my eyes
Nor fill the emptiness
In my soul
And the days grew longer
Warmth returned to the land
Still no warmth touched you
Sad sight...of blue eyes gone grey
Your chamber remained silent
Till one day the silence
Became a scream
That I could no longer ignore
Silence can be like thunder
And the only the creaking
Of the great oaken door
Broke the still of the night
I walked into the chamber
Once filled with love and laughter
And found you in eternal sleep
It was as if my heart stopped beating
Never again to pulse for another
Even the dragons screamed in mourning
Deafening the dawn
Shattering the night
As if they had lost one of their own
In battle...crashing to earth
They circled overhead for days
Watching and waiting
Dragons tears falling like rain
As they gently lifted you to the sky
And carried you away
Into the mist of Avalon
Leaving only the memory for me
The legacy
And the legend
As it began to fade
Into myth and into time
I walk alone in the great hall now
Missing you with each step
Awaiting my journey home
Listening for your voice
In the shadows
When the dragons will again cry out
In celebration
Heralding your return
When we will once more embrace
And be as one.

Tonight

2009-08-08T04:22:00.004-04:00

City lights glowing
People shuffle about
The stars overhead
Clouded by the Fog
Blinded by the reflection
I watch the souless
Wandering empty streets
Passing one another
Nobody talking
In a staggered silence
I often wonder
Where they need to go
Where they want to be
From where this night
Their empty stares
A journey begun in silence
Retrace their steps
To a point of no return
So many miles gone by
This endless path
We walk alone tonight

Strong Enough ( Sands of Time )

2009-08-07T20:23:00.003-04:00

The rain is coming
To wash away the dust
That time has given us
To fade away the memories

Am I strong enough
Am I wise enough
To just stand back
And let it all wash away

Maybe the rains won't come
I'll see the storm clouds
Pass by us like always
Maybe i'll be wrong this time

Could we survive the winds
As they swirl around us
Will the walls hold
Just a little while longer

Am I strong enough
Am I wise enough
Will I watch from a distance
Or will I run into the wind

Flashes in the night sky
Means danger to my soul
I don't even know
Where to run anymore

Maybe I will run to you
Maybe I will run away
If I only knew
How strong the walls were

If you held out your hand
And turned away the darkness
Would I find the strenght
To let the light shine down

Am I strong enough
Am I wise enough
Will your eyes be a beacon
To lead me to the shore

Only time will tell
The face of time
The sands of destiny
A tempest in the desert

And let the rains come
Let the waters wash away
All the ties that bind your love
One strand at a time

Am I strong enough ( I am )
Am I wise enough ( I have to be )
Only you will know
So let the rains come

Wash away the sands of time..........

The Path Divided

2009-08-03T01:28:00.002-04:00

Going through the motions
Every day the same old story
Walking in quicksand
Just pulls you in deeper
No traction there
Just sinking
There is no going back
Every movement
You just sink deeper
But there's no safty
In remaining still
And no guarantee
If you try to make
A leap of faith
That there will be
Anybody to catch you
When you fall again
I can hear you scream
Even in silence
I know your eyes
I feel what they say
I hear what they dont
And even from a distance
I can feel the fear
As it grips you tighter
So where do we go from here?
Iv'e asked that question
A million timesAnd all the answers
Just make for more questions
That nobody wants to hear
And that Nobody wants to listen to
Day by Day as they stand in a circle
Watching the quicksand
Take you farther away each day
While your stare back in silence
Screaming for salvation
From God and Man alike...
And everybody pauses...
Looking at one another...
Waiting for some sign...
From the Heavens...
To enlighten the ghosts
On how to be more human
Like they all used to be
And how to save
A bright , tiny flash of light
Before the darkness
Swallows it up
And it comes back changed.

[No one walks away]

( August 3, 2009 )

Merlin Sleeps

2009-07-31T23:26:00.003-04:00

Tonight ... the still of the night
It is deafening
I don't feel grounded
Nor do I feel the freedom
Of soaring in moonlight
On gathered wings
Under a moon yet to be full
Yet to be...fullfilled
Sometimes you just feel drained
Of all your creative energy
And sometimes it's all you have
So just how many trees
Did Merlin simply sleep within
Cast under a spell of darkness
Before the Winter came
How many times did we walk
Round and round the lakes of Avalon
Trying to decide the fate of Excalibur
Watching a ghostly hand rise
Out of the mists of silence
Breaking the still water
Only to walk away in shame
Long walks in the gardens
When the roses were in bloom
Yet, no one dare pick any of splendor
None to grace the tables
None to grace the bedchamber
Only to wither and die without purpose
For you had decided.. all would be gray
Untill the shadows left the tower at Spring
And on that final walk
Where we made our choices
Did our eyes meet in misery
For one last longing moment
And no Summer came... no Fall
Only Winters cold embrace
And who to blame they cried out
And there was no answer
No echos down Castle halls
Only ghosts
Just a cold...emptyness
Is all that remained
And in the end
All faded from memory
As if it had never been what it was
In all its Glory...
It slipped through the boundrys of time
And was heard from no more.

( July 31, 2009 )

And then again….

2009-07-31T10:43:00.002-04:00

Tonight I am not inspired
No great tragedys unfolded
The Earth hasn't shaken
Nor the skys gone dark
The water is behaving
And all is quiet
But in an instant
All that may change
So we cherish these moments
That are few and far between.

Fall Of Shadows

2009-07-24T18:27:00.002-04:00

I see shadows
Of things that used to be
Just out of reach
Silhouettes in the distance
Fading into yesterdays
I know I cant fix things
Or take away this pain
It's out of my hands here
But if I could
Short of Heaven and Earth
Moon and Sky
I'd give my soul
To turn back time
Oh why did you go?
Where I cant touch you
Where I cant feel you
In fading light
Where shadows dwell
Whats left of this moment
It passes silently
So many moments gone forever
I look back
At all the time
That I let slip away
Foolish quests and empty searches
When all I even needed
Was there all the time
An empty lesson
A long time coming
For the both of us in the mirror
Reflections can be so cruel
I wish sometimes
I could close my eyes
And take away the pain
Before the shadows
Come back to take away
Whats left of my memories.

( July 24, 2009 )

Memories In Shadows

2009-07-17T17:40:00.009-04:00

I feel the emptiness
It makes me look inside
See my own reflection
Ghosts of what were
Whispers in the wind
Disappearing in the fog
Memories in Shadows
I feel for you
I truly do
It just sometimes
Brings up things
I'm not ready to deal with
Like saying goodbye
And letting you go
Like walking alone
In the middle of the night
And not feeling your presence
Or that familiar scent
That lingered through the night
Or simply hearing you breathe
Or your heartbeat next to mine
Sometimes I feel
Angry that I'm still here
And a deep sadness
Like an endless well
And powerless
To do anything but scream
All these changes came so fast
Once again a solitary path
This time...to find myself
And to let you go.

( July 17th ,2009 )

Grief, shock, sadness...still linger in my heart... I can't be in two places at once, and I so would like to be there for you and hold your hand. But I promise...when things calm down and you and I have time ... We will sit and look back and laugh and cry, and learn to look forward... This poem is like a parallel for you and I.... this I will explain later... And I know you understand.

A Silent Goodbye

2009-07-13T01:06:00.008-04:00

Anthony "Tony" Godfrey

The Winds of change
Blow softly now
The waves of the lake
Calm..where a storm rages
The night sky
Ever so bright
Has lost a star
Burned out
Flashed across the sky
Without a sound
We look up
See a bit more darkness
Where a point of light
Was always there
To guide us
Through the night
Camelot is far away
The faint cry of dragons
Are all but a whisper
And hold no comfort
A lone candle burns
In the window of the tower
A beacon for the soul
Searching his way
Thru the mist covered forest
And from the garden
He walks alone
From a distance we see him go
Quietly turning one last time
To say a silent goodbye
And in that moment
The fog takes him
And the candle flame
Burns no more
He has gone ... home.

( Written For Tony ...July 12, 2009 )

Gwen.... I cannot wrap my head around the news you gave me tonite about Tony. I am so very sorry, and I feel so bad for you, You know I love you and I always have, and you know how I felt about him.... he was part of our gang on the island of misfit toys... so, as writers and poets do... I picked up a pen after we spoke on the fone... after I regained my composure.... and wrote this. I so want to be there for you now... but I will be there as always in spirit, just reach out... and I will feel you calling.

Love.. Michael.

Our Last Goodbye

2009-06-20T23:13:00.004-04:00

Standing in that doorway
The last time I saw you
I will never forget
The look on your face
Much like the pain
In my heart
And that memory
Lingers like a ghost
Always out of reach
Out of touch
Just beyond my ability
To banish it forever
I have cried
A million tears
Paced the halls
Trying to forget you
And trying to move on
Yet each time
I pass that doorway
Down that hallway
I hear echos...see ghosts
And the sad sound
Of a last goodbye
I never wanted this
I never intended
To push you to the edge
But like a hurricane
Out of control
Spinning too fast
And so the door
Began to close
I took one last look
One fleeting glance
At all I had known
And all I had given up
Knowing...
It would never come again
It's been nearly two years
And not a day goes by
That I dint think of you
And I wonder if
I ever cross your mind
And you think of me
And in that instant
I can feel our souls touch
Still I pass the hallway
Day after day
Where someone else
Lives behind the walls
Memories of darkness
And rage
Like a hurricane
Winds of change
And the sea
Swallows up
The memories
One great wave at a time
Crashing against my soul
Battering the cornerstone
Trying to breach
The castle walls
So I retreat higher
More out of touch
Not wanting to let go
Of a memory
Of a life
Of a man
That I loved so deeply
I will never forget
Those eyes
And how
They could see right through me
Like a hurricane
Like a ghost
Lingering behind
That closed door.

(December 2004)

Signs of Passage

2009-06-20T18:55:00.003-04:00

The candle dimmed
High atop the tower
In an allready
Darkened room
Far behind the safety
Of these castle walls
Only an ember remains
Glowing in the darkness
As I simply closed the door
And you walked away
Perhaps unaware
Of what you walked out on
So I stood there
Frozen
Trembling with frustration
Finding myself
Once more saying goodbye
So I did not look up As the door closed
I just retreated
Back to my sacred space
My prison
Where I alone rule
And I looked in the mirror
As I passed it on the wall
The mirror shows
Lines on my face
Grey in my hair
Signs of passage
I looked for just a moment
Found my composure
And went back to my solitude
Where I dwell
Most of the time
Even in a room full of people
I am alone
Letting go is never easy
At best a slow death
Silence is deafening
And no words are spoken
Sometimes no words
Say the most of all
Just more passages
And the flame of the candle
Went dark...

(June 10 2004 )

Recognition ( Crossroads )

2009-06-20T18:15:00.003-04:00

Id never met
Anyone quite like you
I knew it right away
Our paths were crossed
Written in the stars
Recognition
Standin at the crossroads
When the magick
Takes over
Makes your heart pound
And you' swept away
Powerless
It's some kind of
Synchronicity
That takes you by suprise
So we sat there
In my car
Talking ...
Connecting...
Wondering...
Stay or run away
Falling...
All over again
And I was
Overwhelmed
by the light
Overwhelmed
That it hid the shadows
When the magick takes over
Makes your head spin
Makes your heart pound
Swept away
Righ there in that car
Like a moth to the flame
I was consumed
A dangerous flickering
Destined to burn bright
Destined to burn fast
Till the flame burns out
Yeah I should have seen it coming
But I was blinded by the light
And I saw only you,

(November 4, 2004 )

Circle of Trees

2009-06-20T17:36:00.002-04:00

Circle of pine
Calming and quiet
All but the music
In it's native beat
There is sadness
In the air here
But a good sadness
Something you just
Cant explain
You just let it be
Unspoken things
Have a power
All their own
Something man
Cannot touch
Something spiritual
Definitely sacred
Trees as old
As time itself
Stand guard here
Sentinels of silence
Watchers...
Keepers...
Protectors...
Come join the circle
And dance
And be at peace.

(April 4 1998)

The Art of Ravenrose

2009-06-20T17:01:00.002-04:00

These beautiful and magickal drawings were created by Ravenrose for my first book
"Reflections of the Ghost Within"
They are hand drawn on parchment, and I have kept them safe for many years.
I wanted to share them with you because there fantastic.
Ravenrose has her own site, which is linked to the right of the page.
If you visit her blog, you will find out just how far back our friendship goes.
I can only say, that we are true friends of time and space.
Something that transcends the physical
And dwells in the realm of the Spirit.

Truly "Gwen at the Gate"

Slipping Away

2009-06-19T09:47:00.002-04:00

I see you now
Slipping away
A little each day
Nothing I can do
Just be there
Watching you
From a distance
Watching so close
Yet a million miles
From the light
That used to be
Time takes its toll
A little more each day
I see you slipping
And I think back
To where we once were
Our place before we fell
Like so many others
We had no control
Once the storm hit
Full force
Like the hurricane
That it was
And then the silence
It was over
The thunder never louder
Shattered the dawn
Sometimes I feel
As if you never left
I look in your eyes
The realization hits
That time itself
Has erased
The one I knew
You slipped away
Quietly into the night
Without a sound
And I wish I could
Turn back the hands
Of time.. just for you
But it's just another thing
That mere mortals cannot do.

(June 19 2009)

Dancing Round the Flame

2009-06-13T13:57:00.005-04:00

I have always been
Attracted to intensity
Like a moth to a flame
I have had my wings burned
Far too many times
Ageless intuition a source of magick
Ancient warrior
Like dancing
Round a flame
Part of me says
Go ahead
Part of me remembers
Why I can't
It's the same every time
If you give in
Time flys by
But the story
Remains the same
Never changes
I once thought
You were everthing
Overlooking the bad
Fooling only myself
This love
Was killing me
And you were the only one
Who ever walked away
And tried to take
The best of me
And for a time
I let you win
I danced to the flame
Crazy rythym
Dancing in the dark
Pieces of a melody
That would never
Be a song...

( June 13, 2009 )

Lightning Strikes….

2009-06-09T05:23:00.001-04:00

5 AM… Nature puts on a show. Its hot, muggy and the lightning flashes across the sky, sometimes meeting another object on Terra Firma… A warm breeze , it seems much warmer than it should be… 74 degrees… and not even summer yet. There is always this great cleansing energy after a storm, and perhaps its what the world needs. And the days go by… the rain falls… the crackling of the blue white fire…. surrounds you…. protects you. Tells you not to give in to the battle, but to face it straight on.

Poet….Priest of Nothing.

My Fantasy Creature….

2009-06-07T18:24:00.002-04:00

For as long as any mortal can remember, vampires have walked the night, driven by their overwhelming thirst for blood. Some foolish humans believe that a mere cross will protect them, and it is true that they perish in sunlight, but once the sun has set, vampires are lethal predators. They may seem cold hearted and even evil, but not all kill their prey, and many wait for centuries for their soul mate. If your result was vampire, then you may come across as arrogant and perhaps strange, but inside you are a lonely soul, and long to find another like yourself. You love the dark and mystery, and have an open mind about the supernatural.

We Chose Our Own Swords

2009-06-02T03:23:00.003-04:00

We chose our own swords
Pretending to be soldiers
When they were really
Just little boys with guns
Somewhere in the desert
Where the sky is clear as glass
You can reach up and grab a star
But just like before
The stars fell out of the sky
Like Mother Earth's tears
I can be there for you
I can be everything
Whatever you need me to be
Poet, Priest, or Outlaw
The dancer in your dreams
Or the Devil if need be
Anything that keeps you safe
From the unknown
From the darkness
So I can show you the light
Show you the way home
So I pray everyday
Even just a little
That by the Grace of God
He will bring you home
As the sands of time
Erase the memory
Of the person you used to be
I have to try and find you
And take you away
From all this pain
And give you back the sword
Just so you can cut your way free....

( June 2nd 2009 )

Abstract Colors

2009-05-22T11:43:00.002-04:00

All the colors... Some real, some not....

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder!

A Tree in the Cosmic Garden

2009-05-21T22:21:00.003-04:00

Throughout time we as humans have asked a question. It is asked by all races, by all ethnic groups, by people of faith in every walk of life. It is a question linked to our mortality, and to our very existence. What is the meaning of life... What or who is God? Granted, the answers are as individual and as diverse as life on this planet, and perhaps.... in the Universe itself. People everywhere have their own beliefs. Who is right and who is wrong? Perhaps, we are all right.... yes that's what I said. There are countless religions on this planet. Each one claims that they are the right one, or in some cases the only one. There are arguments, sermons, testimonials and numerous written historical documents that will, the say explain it all. What it actually does just confuses people more. It has started wars, been responsible for the rise and falls of many civilizations over the centuries, and still nobody has an answer. In my own quest, I have always felt that I have an interesting point of view on the subject. I prefer to put in the center of my beliefs, a more broader definition of things.

I will say right here that this is my choice, and mine alone. I'm not here to soapbox for anybody to change their own personal faith. We all have to come to that point of clarity individually. I have studied various forms of religions over the years and I've found that in most of them no matter the path....the story is basically the same. Its a much broader path than most religions want to accept, and what has always bothered me most was how some of the organized religions try to influence your choice. They will tell you, that to follow any other path but theirs will lead you to a less than perfect afterlife. I think in many ways that is the worst sin of all.. coersion.

My standing example is as follows. A tribe of humans living in the rainforest. They have no modern way of existance. No power, no cell phones, and no contact with any other people but their own. For as long as the tribe has existed, they have worshiped the tree at the center of their village. They pray to the tree for forgiveness, for the food that feeds them, and for every other reason that all technologically advanced people do. No one has ever doubted the tree.. for it has been their God, their protector and their salvation for as long as they can remember. In every sense of the word, they beleive in and love the tree as Christians love Jesus, as Buddahist to Buddah.... the list goes on. My point, are they wrong? Are they any less faithful to their God than any other religion? Do they, have no salvation because no missionary has ever walked in and tried to convert them with fear?

In my opinion, they simply see God in the only way they have ever known. God is the hub in the center of a wheel with many spokes. Each spoke is a differnt path, but they all lead to the same thing. God speaks to each person, in the language they respond to. Universal love and the promise that when this mortal life ends, there is something else... it does not end with our last breath. It changes from body to spirit, and where it goes from there, be it Heaven or whatever the word may be, we all benefit from our faith. To me it is as simple as that. I choose to beleive in God in my way, a unique view that only myself and God are aware of. That is my path. I beleive in the Universe... I beleive in God as a force of nature. The most important part... is that I beleive.

A Beautiful Meditation Spot….

2009-05-16T21:43:00.002-04:00

Sitting outside at dusk...... A great place to contemplate the Universe.

Facing the Storm

2009-05-10T03:41:00.005-04:00

And the wind rose and took them by surprise. They were torn from one another by no fault of their own...yet they were powerless to stop what fate had in store for them. So, as mortals do... they raced to the farthest corners to hide and wait out the storm. But they did not realize, that they should have stood together and not alone. Intertwined in their destiny, set in motion many lifetimes past... they played out the hand that was dealt to them, and they asked no questions. It had not been a long time that they had been drawn to one another, but it had been a powerful time. A time of intensity, of great highs and terrible lows. They did not stand a chance to survive the fire that was consuming them. And yet, they played with the flames as if they were unaware they they would be consumed by the conflagration. Sometimes, nothing survives the fire... Sometimes, it is the fire itself that brings life renewed to begin the cycle all over again.

We are all on a journey. Sometimes that journey is solitary, and sometimes it brings us in sync with another soul. But, in the Universes cosmic wisdom, from the brightest sun to the smallest atom, there is a balance that must be maintained. Just as the planets of the universe move in sync, they eventually travel on alone. And little by little, they became so distant that it seemed to be but a passing memory that they had once shared the same space. And so, as their world around them fell into pieces....one held on in torment while one walked away. There would be no last reprieve, no waking from the nightmare that seemed to never end. It was hearts torn asunder. It was the sound that shattered glass.... it was over.

And then began the long road ahead. They would carry on picking up the pieces that fell. They would take inventory of things untouchable. They would search the paths that led them to where they now stood. There would be no easy answers, nobody wanted to accept the blame, but each one knew their own transgressions. From those they could not escape in their search for absolution. Time became the guardian of truth that each one would have to eventually face. And each would examine the darkest places of their own souls in search of a tiny pinpoint of light. A destination from the shadows. A place to exorcise the ghosts of the past, and to embrace tomorrow.

Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy, and sometimes both at once. It will make you see things from the outside, It will take away the pain and clear the emotions from situations that seemed impossible to reconcile with. It will humble you and give you perspectives from places you never imagined. It will allow you to forgive, where once forgiveness seemed impossible. It will cleanse your soul and restore your faith. And sometimes, it will allow you a second chance to find the best parts of yourself.

As the soul is as much a part of the Universe as the stars and planets, we are all part of the same beginning. Everything happens for a reason, there are no mistakes. Sometimes the Universe in all its complexity seems overwhelming to contemplate. Sometimes we find ourselves right back where we started the journey. Maybe on rare occasion we are given the opportunity to make right the things that we walked away from before it was time. Perhaps it is all a part of our spiritual evolution.

And then it came to pass that they once more found themselves on familiar ground. They had survived the storm, they were changed. There was a peaceful calm where once a hurricane raged. It took them both by suprise that the good things remained after all these years. Evolution had won out over revolution in the long run. It was a new beginning

Destination

2009-05-08T02:14:00.002-04:00

Take what you will
And allow me to follow
Just meet me halfway
And together as one
We can see this creation
As it unfolds before us
Like an eternal flower
In space and time
Growing in a magic garden
Of faith and understanding
That will bear the fruit
Of peace and love
For all to see

Mind Over Matter

2009-05-07T02:56:00.004-04:00

The howling of the wind
Thunder crashing
Lightning flashes
Angry...waves upon the shore
But all the pales
To the intensity
That is you
Crazy...like the eye
Of a hurricane so still
It's a powerful thing
To be loved by you
Untamed and wild
A force of nature
Once... I stood with you
Now I stand alone
Sometimes I wonder
How I really survived
The fury and then chaos
When everything turned around
Without any warning
Some great test of time
Mind over Matter
But it really doesnt matter
Cause I've got my faith
To take back my power
And walk away
So it's finally done
No more sleepless nights
No more dodging bullets
And no more you.

( May 7th 2009 )

Springs first colors

2009-05-06T14:33:00.001-04:00

Gone Home

2009-05-03T19:23:00.002-04:00

It's all over for you now
The curtain has fallen
And the stage has cleared
All that is left is a ghost
Rattling around
In my memory
There is
No more fear
No more tragedy
No more pain
And the fires
That raged in your eyes
Has been forever quenched
You've gone home
Rest in peace my friend

~

For my friend David Howard
Aug 16, 1949 - April 30 2009

Sign of the times

2009-05-02T17:07:00.002-04:00

EARTH DAY 2009

2009-04-21T21:29:00.003-04:00

Earth Day, Apr. 22, a day to celebrate the environment. The first Earth Day was organized in 1970 to promote the ideas of ecology, encourage respect for life on earth, and highlight growing concern over pollution of the soil, air, and water. Earth Day is now observed in 140 nations with outdoor performances, exhibits, street fairs, and television programs that focus on environmental issuesEarth Day, Apr. 22, a day to celebrate the environment. The first Earth Day was organized in 1970 to promote the ideas of ecology, encourage respect for life on earth, and highlight growing concern over pollution of the soil, air, and water. Earth Day is now observed in 140 nations with outdoor performances, exhibits, street fairs, and television programs that focus on environmental issues

Gone

2009-04-19T16:13:00.002-04:00

You've gone away
And I miss my friend
The light in your eyes
Has darkened forever
I can't reach you anymore
So many times
I've tried to reach out
But you're not here anymore
Just an empty shell
Of what you used to be
And what you could have been
You've crossed that line
Now there's no going back
What I used to feel
Has died and gone away
Nothing good remains
To walk in empty halls
Where you're soul is trapped
And your spirit's tortured
And your fading away
Day by lonely day
Christian...no light remains
Just a shadow of a ghost
That I've said goodbye too
A million times or more
Over and over again
So now your gone
And your never coming back
From that place of darkness
Where I cannot follow you
Anymore....

( 04/19/09 )